The point of no return

It was only two months in to my first year as a registered nurse, and I experienced a true heartbreak. I wrote this entry in a book, just to note down this loss, because I knew it was going to be something I would struggle to move on from.

“He clasped my hand during my shift caring for him and in a desperate voice said to me, ‘Jade, I’m really scared… I’m really scared. What do I do?’ And no lesson, or textbook, or bloody exam taught me what I needed to say in return to such epic fear. I had no right answer, I could only keep holding his hand, and then pathetically tell him I was sorry, and that I was there for him if I could do anything to make it easier…”

I don’t think I’m made to make a name for myself, to be the best of the best, the most clinically skilled nurse. I don’t think I’ll ever come up with the cure to anything, or write profound papers in healthcare. I definitely know I won’t ever have all the right answers…I can just hope to be there for the patients in my care when they are in this moment of need. Just be present. Be with them in some of the lowest moments in life when their body fails them. I hope to be a source of comfort and gentleness to ease some of the pain…

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